The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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