apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
