I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
