you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
