I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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