Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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