I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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