The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
