Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
