I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
