I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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