why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
