What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
