but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize