Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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