Whatcha textin bout Willis?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
