I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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