Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
