running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
