pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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