i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
