just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
