omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
