Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
