seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
