everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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