yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize