I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
