I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
