i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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