I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
