So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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