Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize