can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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