I'm going to jail i love you
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize