what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
