i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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