My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Oh god it's open bar.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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