k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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