i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
