maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
