I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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