And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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