I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
