You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i will never coherently bang her
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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