when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
