I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Everything about him screamed your future.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
