i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
