I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
