I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
