He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You smell like stripper and shame
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Randomize
