oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
