Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
