wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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