i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
