Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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