I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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