You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
