I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
