just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
