I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
