Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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