sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
