that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I smell like Dick and happiness
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
