Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
