Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
