OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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