Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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