Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize