If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
