I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
