Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize