your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
