Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
