what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
