Need sex. Gaining weight.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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