I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize