you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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