cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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