Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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