i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize