I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
