Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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