dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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