I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
