You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
