forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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