maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
