There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
