Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
