i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
