i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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