I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize