I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
