i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
