I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
time to smoke my breakfast
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
