So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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