you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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