Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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