Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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