Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
