considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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