Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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